I deleted some things today.
I have repeatedly used dating apps and websites with the casual mindset that ‘I might find someone decent to chat to.’ It only ever ends one of two ways;
1 – there’s that one person who can hold a decent conversation which leads to months of discussions and happy butterflies.
2 – theres that one person who can hold a decent conversation which leads to months of discussions and dreadful, sinking, why do I bother-ness.
- So, step one: delete Tagged (with slight hesitation because there is that one person on there that will stay in my brain for a very long time, that ONE person who I will never be enough for and whom will never be enough for me).
- Step two: delete Badoo at the same ironic moment that the notification pops up that my ex is online and why not say hello… DELETE.
- Step three: stay self determined – do not reactivate!
Months (4 of them to be exact) of conversations and even a large declaration of love and planning but still my gut is saying ‘not quite sure what to do here’, and I’m finding that while there is proof (proof that I have ignored) that this other person is just playing the game of online dating, I cannot be mad that I am a part of that ‘play’. It is what it is. My mindset going in was, go with the flow. And I have.
Today however, I reached the point where I just lost the patience to play the game.
I also decided to follow my own advice and listen to my gut (although my brain conjures up the image of Maura Isles continuously disagreeing with me).
“What does your gut say?
I don’t listen to my intestines.”