‘By the time I’m 30, I’ll be recovered enough to go to New York.’
I lost years of my life to mental illness, with the hope of one day being able to recover – the one consistent thought being ‘by the time I’m 30…’ By the time I’m 30, I’ll have recovered, faced my fear of flying and be taking a trip to New York City.
The trip of a lifetime, that is going to be filled with so many emotions and so much hope.
I have the motivation and determination to fund this trip myself, however, there are many barriers in front of me.
Every little helps.
Money has never been something that came to me, it is not something I have ever had a lot of access to and I have always been against the idea of doing this – but here we are. I am not expectant this will help or happen, however, with my finances as they are, my reliance is on my overdraft.
Desperate times call for desperate measures…
Some times things happen at the right time, without any time to prepare. Some times, these things are exactly what is needed…
This is worth seeing – such an amazing journey and it still stays with me, on my mind frequently.
Katherine Brooks, ladies and gentlemen.
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome )
I have no words to write – this rarely happens…
It is better said:
I Should Have Walked Out
April was meant to be my ‘drink more water and cut down on chocolate’ month…
I started off relatively well, I was drinking more water than I have ever known myself drink. I also managed to cut down on my chocolate intake to 1 bar every other day instead of 2+ bars a day (small bars).
Then Easter break happened and I came back to my mum’s. The cupboards are full of treats and so much food that I have had to stuff myself full of it to make sure it gets eaten before it starts growing its own organisms.
I have not been drinking water, instead, I have just been drinking tea.
(Still not buying carbonated drinks though!)
I have had 3 small diet Pepsi’s since February and that has only been due to me socialising at the local bars/pubs.
However, surprisingly, what I have not had this month, (at all) is… crisps. Something I was eating 2 bags of a day most days. My cupboard at my mums is stocked with 2 big variety packs of crisps – they remain untouched. I guess this is what I am doing this month!
Now, what about next month?
“Residential Population: 21,707.”
“The proportion of ethnic minorities is 4.6% – significantly lower, by 12.2%, than nearby regions.”
This is where I grew up. I do not recall any child being from an ethnic minority at school. I do not recall seeing a person who was not white.
This is where I grew up. I do not recall, as a child, seeing anyone who was not heterosexual. I do not recall being aware of any existence other than white, straight, employed men and women and/or stay at home mums…
I grew up with every single person not having an issue with this. I grew up wondering where the hell everyone else was. I grew up watching TV and films and wanting to meet those people.
I grew up in a place that was not meant for me. I was placed in a box, I should never, ever have been placed in. I never fit into it, it was never comfortable.
So many people I had known as a child talked about leaving, travelling… they are still there. I never imagined I would leave, it did not seem an option for me. And yet, unimaginably, I was the one who did. And yet, somehow, they are still there.
It baffles me, so completely. Perhaps it always shall.
The one with all of the odds against her was the one to leave.
Irony is an amazing thing.
“Tetley make tea bags, make tea.”
“I will destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do!”
I have decided to cut down on caffeine. I am not cutting it out completely. So many changes this year – I hope I can stick with them! I already feel a positive difference by doing REDJanuary. I wake up most mornings excited and ready to see how many steps I can achieve. 2019 started off well, let’s keep going.
The amount of caffeine in an 8-ounce cup of tea prepared with one Tetley Decaffeinated tea bag is approximately 4 milligrams (99.6% caffeine free). The amount of caffeine in a similarly brewed 8-ounce cup of regular tea is between 40 and 50 milligrams.
( http://www.tetleyharris.com/tea101/faqs.shtml )