One Day

You always told me, “One day…”
Trying in vain to prepare me for these days.

In the early days, I notice your hat is still there – I make a mental note to ask if I can keep it,
But then in the blink of an eye – it is gone.

I take your collection of ties without waiting for a better time,
Folding them up neatly in a bag.

I think of the sadness in your eyes whenever you spoke of a family who was long since gone,
Always preparing me for, “One day…”

I never expected ‘one day’ would feel like this,
Never imagined I would understand so accurately that sadness I saw within you.

Weeks later, we are standing outside our house,
We are all here, waiting.

Liz announces the arrival of the hearse with a deafening, “He’s here.”
Nic and I lose composure, eyes dropping immediately to our feet.

I sit in the funeral car, with your daughters – the magnitude of that moment hits hard,
I am the only grandchild in the car and I wonder, does that not speak volumes?

The house is empty,
I am showing prospective buyers around.

They want to change everything – strip it bare and start anew,
I want to drag them out but instead, I just remove myself.

“One day, I won’t be here anymore. You’ll be telling your grandchildren about me like I am telling you about mine.”

 

January

Happy January!
It is already a month of discovery and firsts.

I have started the year off with a bang and already done several things that I have never before done. What an experience!

I am a teetotal person, I have zero interest in any kind of substances or drugs (apart from caffeine). This did not, however, stop me from:

  1. Going to a last-minute party on New Year’s Eve (despite only knowing 2 people there)
  2. Playing cards against humanity (for the first time)
  3. Dancing on my friend’s pool table (despite my brain telling me that I would look stupid)
  4. Attending a nightclub at 2am (even though I’m usually asleep by 22:00)
  5. Dancing with strangers (who were big on invading personal space)
  6. Arriving in bed at 5am (without any anxiety)

I have started January off with being super proud of myself. These were things that I have always wondered if I would ever have an opportunity to do (I never did them in my teens/early 20’s). While the jury is still out on whether it was my cup of tea, I have no regrets and remember a night full of fun, laughter and smiles.

For the first time, EVER, I feel as though I have started the New Year off right! Reminding myself occasionally throughout the night that it is okay to just be in the moment and enjoy it for what it is.

I saw in the New Year with friends and strangers who were all superb – it was exactly what was needed.

Snapchat-779160266.jpg

 

 

And then, this morning… I got attention from this Mr.

 

 

 
And while I miss my own boy terribly, I felt comfort from the cuddles I received from this little feline.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

( https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/wedding-poems/i-carry-your-heart-by-ee-cummings_315.htm )

 

 

Social Media Generation

facebook-obsession-needs-a-facebook-hiatus( https://breaktheframe.com/facebook-hiatus/ )

I am an unfortunate part of the social media generation. The majority of the time, I hate it – ‘it’ being specifically Facebook.

I have, as of today, deactivated my personal account and created one just for my own positivity. There are zero friends on it – no one there for me to look at and compare my life to.

It is linked in with my WordPress, YouTube and Twitter so that should anyone wish to follow the page – they can do so.

This is with the aim of giving myself a way to share some positivity and continue to improve my mental health going forward into 2019.

 

https://www.facebook.com/ChloeMarshallBlog

Viola

( https://pin.it/qgehj664vdtrek )70fc68c5017fe421306ead0bf81a84a2

Viola Davis
Born in South Carolina in 1965, raised in Rhode Island.
Viola is married and has a daughter.
Viola studied at Juilliard.
Viola has a theatre degree, achieved in 1988.
( http://www.violadavis.net )

In what has become my favourite scene in How to Get Away with Murder, Viola as Annalise Keating, takes off her wig and make-up. My first uncensored thought when I saw this scene was, ‘Wow, she is beautiful.’
I have always been a woman who loved other women and their natural beauty. I have never been a person who wears make-up and I often see people who are terrified to go without it but who look astonishing bare faced. My view did not change when I saw this clip ( Make-up scene ).

“I’m claiming it. I’m a woman. I like to see women on TV. I like to see real women on TV. That for me is what’s inspiring and that for me is exciting. When I see an archetype of womanhood on TV, it depresses me.”
( http://ew.com/article/2015/02/02/viola-davis-essence-interview/ )

P!nk

P!nk
I will have to die for this I fear
There’s rage and terror and there’s sickness here
I fight because I have to
I fight for us to know the truth
There’s not enough rope to tie me down
There’s not enough tape to shut this mouth
The stones you throw can make me bleed
But I won’t stop until we’re free
Wild hearts can’t be broken
Songwriters: Alecia Moore / Mike Busbee
Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC