"Please, don't. I'm tired, I need to sleep tonight. I have plans tomorrow. Please. Not tonight. I'll do anything if you fade off. Just please, Not tonight." #anxiety
The years have been hard, A dullness, a dark room without any light. Hands always stretching out ahead, chasing, Everything always just out of reach. I thought of you when I needed some colour in the darkness, A flash of hope, of what I might one day find. I always had you in the back… Continue reading I Wished For You, Too
I loved you, Atthis, years ago, when my youth was still all flowers and sighs, and you -- you seemed to me such a small ungainly girl. Can you forget what happened before? If so, then I'll remind you how, while lying beside me, you wove a garland of crocuses which I then braided into… Continue reading Sappho
On this day. The clock stopped, It read - 16.10 Such a sudden shock to the atmosphere, It stopped time. The day before. A feeling, It was 19.15 A jolt of realisation, Calm acceptance. The happiest of days, All day until 18.00 A phone call, Devastation.
Anxiety is: not catching your breath Anxiety is: not wanting to move Anxiety is: needing to move Anxiety is: taking sugar in your tea, but not reaching over to lift it from the pot Anxiety is: shaking so much that the whole world seems to move on its axis Anxiety is: fingers placed in ears,… Continue reading Anxiety is
You always told me, “One day…” Trying in vain to prepare me for these days. In the early days, I notice your hat is still there – I make a mental note to ask if I can keep it, But then in the blink of an eye – it is gone. I take your collection… Continue reading One Day
We had a conversation once, once. Surrounded in a world where every single person was talking at me, loudly. You spoke to me, calmly. Of all the differences to be made, to me. It was you who made one of the biggest, the loudest. I heard you and I continue to hear you, always. One day I plan… Continue reading One Day
It is 1998, the house is warm - it smells like homemade pastries. Across the room, a family is gathered. 2 ft tall, green branches reach out. "Do you want to place these chocolates on, sweetheart?" She asks with a soft smile. They sit on the floor giving careful consideration of what gets placed where.… Continue reading Trees
There are carols ...everywhere. There are trees, with bows and bright, bright lights. I am not ready yet ...never ready yet. There is that feeling in the air, it is here. An empty chair, two of them ...empty arms. The lights are there, harsh and blinding, a watery perspective. There is cheer ...everywhere. JustMe.
I am here. I moved, to the big City. I am there. I made it, to the classroom. Here I am, studying. I am undertaking one of my biggest challenges - a BA (Hons) degree. I have been sitting in various rooms, listening to people talk about their experiences. Then a feeling that has always… Continue reading Imposter