4 Years

On this day.
The clock stopped,
It read – 16.10
Such a sudden shock to the atmosphere,
It stopped time.

The day before.
A feeling,
It was 19.15
A jolt of realisation,
Calm acceptance.

The happiest of days,
All day until 18.00
A phone call,
Devastation.

…But Not Too Much

I decided I need to treat this place as though it is home because that is exactly what it is now. For the last couple of weeks, I have walked around and ventured to different areas without much thought.

At home, I used to go out for a Pepsi, sit and relax and enjoy the calmness.
At home, I used to go out for a Pepsi and sit and people watch.

This is home for me now and I have settled better than I had ever expected myself to – my first time living away from my family home and my family is not as frightening as expected.

I need to treat this place as though it is home… but not too much. Home is where I got sick, where I failed constantly to try and recover and repair myself. Home is a place where I lost too many things, too many people. Home is full of memories that I cannot escape from – people I cannot escape from.

Now it is time to start living like I want to. In the present.

Time to start living how I always have done. With strength.

Time to start moving.

Time to find Costa…

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Healing

It is funny how much you can desperately need something and feel so deeply about it to make a promise to yourself that you will continue to seek it out.

And then, suddenly, time runs away from you and you have not missed it. The sanctuary you found still exists, however, you have no need to seek it out.

Is this somehow an improvement? That the sanctuary and peace you craved and found is no longer needed. That your soul no longer needs it so desperately.

All these days where you got up and went to work and carried on despite wanting to stay secluded, did it somehow heal a part of you?

Have I started healing without any knowledge of it?